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January 20, 2008
Sticking to the Truth
Sometimes sticking with what we said we would stick with can get kind of sticky. Take anything that you had committed yourself to, or had given your word to someone that you would do it. And, so once said or stated, you were stuck with following through with your commitment. Or, at least you were in a commitment that someone else knew about and therefore knew whether you did it, or not.
Kind of hard to get out of if it’s something that you no longer want to do, or never wanted to do, or don’t want to do any longer, isn’t it? When someone else knows that you have a commitment to something you’re now held accountable, if at least figuratively. And so not following through with what it was that you said you would now puts you in a sticky situation that may take some finagling to get out of. Or some outright lying.
Isn’t it amazing sometimes to what length some people will go to in order to get out of doing something that they said they would do? You know what I mean, we’ve all been there. Something that they gave their word on or expressed that they would follow through with. But, alas, these days one’s word doesn’t mean very much anymore. Words are trite, diminished, and virtually meaningless.
And, so, when somebody does follow through with what they stated they would do, we find ourselves rather surprised, and maybe even pleased that we are in the company of a person who is keeping to their word.
A rare thing nowadays.
So, where am I going with all this? Well, just to state that when a commitment is made it’s oh-so-easy to say the words, but it’s a whole new thing to actually put those words to use and make them mean something.
Take our commitment to others, and how we value them in our relationships. We say we care for them. We say we love them. We say they mean a lot to us. We even tell those Others how significant and important they are in our life and how much we value who they are. And then we find that we are capable of being able to lie to them, mistreat them, and behave in ways that no one deserves or asks for.
How many times have you been told by someone that you are so important in their life and then a few scant months or years later you are trodden upon and taken advantage of at every turn?
How many times have you been told that you are loved by that other person, yet at the same time they are doing as much as they can to ensure that they are getting what they want, and all the while you’re not knowing what is happening ‘behind your back’?
This doesn’t just include spouses, and partners, it also includes friends and lovers. Why? Because people are people.
They say one thing, and then do another thing. Usually.
Now, I know that I may be coming across sounding jaded and soured by Life, but no, I’m not meaning to sound this way. If you search your memory and those relationships you’ve been involved with with others, you’ll too find that other people you’ve come across exhibited the behaviors I’m writing about here. And, if you truly can’t come up with any, then search for memories of events described wherein you were the instigator of such actions. Not pretty, is it?
You see, it’s not such a pretty thing to acknowledge that this is a basic fact of human nature. We commit to people, and situations and then when those situations turn sour or are no longer to our liking, we do what we can to find a way out of that now painful situation, even if it means lying to other people, or hiding actions, or blatantly making statements right to the face of that person whom we previously made the commitment which we can no longer keep for whatever reason.
Life does that to us at times. It turns, its twists, it ends up not the way we expect it to. And then we find ourselves in situations that now look different from what they began as. And yet we’re stuck in them and having to either continue in them, or find a way out. No matter what.
But, this is where the true nature of a person can shine through though. You see, we all find ourselves in situations that are not to our liking or are not turning out how we expected them to. So, either we have to change that situation, or we have to get out of it altogether.
We can do this brutally and destructively. Or we can do it with grace and regard.
We can lie and cheat, and fake our way out of it. Or we can be honest and truthful, and forthright, and ruthlessly loving if need be.
Think of the outcome of the former tactic just mentioned. Think of how the situation, the painful participation we’ve found ourselves a part of ends up through using that methodology. Lies. Deceit. Pretense. Pain. Damage. Maybe even violence.
Think of how using the latter tactic mentioned causes the situation to end up. Honesty. Truthfulness. Full knowing. Care. Concern. Regard. And, yes, sometimes pain.
But think if you’re the one having an exit thrust upon you by someone else.
Wouldn’t you rather have the person who is needing to remove themselves from your life or that situation you both know about be open and honest and upfront with you (and themselves)? After all, we’re all adults here.
So, wouldn’t you rather be the adult who gets treated like one?
And think of how you will feel if you’re the one having to exit that situation you had previously committed to or gave your word to. Wouldn’t you like to be seen as an adult who respects and treats others as the person they deserve to be treated as? That is, an honest and respected friend/lover/partner? Think how they’ll think of you, if even many years from now.
There will be a part of them that will know that they were treated with love and care and respect when that exit was thrust upon them by you. They will know that their feelings and concerns and thoughts were taken into consideration and they were treated as another human being, not a child who is unable to process the truth because they don’t have the mental faculties to do so yet.
I know that I can handle the truth and that that is how I want to be treated by those in my life, and around me. Be upfront with me. Be honest with me. No games. No lying. No cheating and finagling and squirming out of a situation like a snake.
We’re all adults here. Let’s treat each other like such and see how much better our lives will be.
I’ll bet that you’ll agree that were others to treat you in this manner that you would be much happier, and yet sad at the ending at the same time.
You see, we all need to make commitments that ultimately we can’t end up keeping. That’s a part of life, and growing up. And there are words that we say that no longer ring true for us and that we have spoken to others and they expect us to follow through with. But a simple fact of life is that these words change. Life comes at us and pulls the validity of the words and their application out of our hands at times.
And that is when Life comes up to us and says ‘deal with this’. Get out of this the best you can.
And like the proverbial rubber-meeting-the-road cliché, that is when we are able to see how strong and supportive our spine is.
Do we run from the situation in any way that we can? Or do we stand up straight and deal with it head-on, with grace, dignity, truth, and genuine full concern for the person we are subjecting to this matter.
Overall, I think as I write this article that the world itself would be a much better place to reside in, were we all capable of remembering the gist of this soapbox statement I’m making, and then put it to active use as we go about roaming through our days with those we have told ourselves we care about, and perhaps even love.
Nice thought, eh?
Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'
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Posted by Andre Best at 11:05 AM | Comments (0)