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May 11, 2008
A Mother's Day Thank You
Well, today is Mother's Day. That ubiquitous day, at least for North America, where we all give thanks to the woman who gave birth to us. At least that's what we're supposed to be doing. We're also supposed to be giving loving praise for our Mother, whether she is dead or alive, for the undeniable fact that she is half-responsible for who we are. Without her, we wouldn't exist.
At least that's what the greeting card companies want us to be thinking when we fork over our green to send and mail those trite words of thanks to the one parent we owe so much to.
Of course, some of us never had a mother, so to speak. We were given up at birth, or our mother died at birth, or our mother left at birth, or shortly thereafter.
Or, conversely, our mother chose to stick around and be there for all the scraped knees, fights, and snotty nose-wiping's that we needed kissing and tending to.
How can one summarize on a card what we owe the female who gave us life? The female who carried us inside of her for nine months, or more, and then continued to be there as much as she was available for us when she was able to, or not working, or not out doing stuff to escape the sometimes madness of parenting. Or whatever.
We're supposed to think that a few words on a card, or even in this article for that matter, are supposed to show that woman that we are forever indebted to her sacrifice that led to our being borne unto this plane of existence.
Of course, there was the male part of the equation, in some cases even though this is not known, which does have a matter of thankfulness to it too, but that's for the next article on this blog of mine.
You see, I've thought about the many ways that one is supposed to give thanks to the (now) woman who gave us life. We're supposed to buy her a card, or give her flowers, or give her a box of chocolates, or buy her a special gift even for being the special mother of our children together.
All of that is nice and fine and does have inherent meaning to it. But, what I'm realizing is that it's what is done with the days where the special recognition isn't asked for, or expected, or given, that really have and continue to define the relationship with our Mother.
And that's not just the day to day days throughout the year as we both live it now. No.
That also involves the days that started the moment that that woman knew that she carried a valued life inside of her and now she was living for two souls. That's when the defining moment of the relationship and the recognition of motherhood begins, in my opinion.
I can think of many ways to tell my living mother how special she is to me. I can think of a number of actions that I could undertake, but they don't have the meaning that having a good conversation with my mother brings to both of us. And being able to still tell her that I love her and to hear her respond in the same manner. And to hear it in her voice. And to feel it across the two countries that separate us.
I could think of something to give my mother, an object that she can't even take with her when she leaves this physical dimension. And to me, that is not something that matters or is sustaining or recognizing the specialness of the mother-child relationship we all have with our parents. No matter where they are. Dead or alive.
There is something that occurs between a parent and the child that can't be spoken. There is a relating that occurs between the two that is the mutual exchanging of life from that place in the heart that only those two types of relations share.
Friends don't share it.
Siblings don't share it.
Spouses don't either.
It's unique to the parent and the child. That blood bond.
And so, with that in mind, how is one to say 'thanks' to their mother on Mother's Day?
How is one to show that the woman who bore them unto this earth is that special person that they appreciate and are forever indebted to for their existence?
It's not a return of a small favor, is it?
Now, I want my mother to know that she is a special woman in my heart. And that through these words I am doing my best to express what is in that part of my heart that was forever forsaken to her when I was born.
I know that my mother did the very best that she could when I was growing up. Now, I can look back upon those times, some of them tumultuous, and stand and judge and criticize what decisions she made and actions she took as my mother, and, at times against me. But I can't and chose many years ago to no longer stand in judgment of the actions that my mother took.
We all know that sometimes being in relationship with our mother is not the best time of our upbringing. It can be outright painful for some. But, nevertheless, it's something that defines who we are and contributes to who we are now. For better or for worse.
How can one summarize what one's mother did, the sacrifices that she made and the life that she gave up to allow us to grow and to flourish into adulthood to hopefully return the favor by enabling her to become a grandmother, and great-grandmother?
How does one say thank you to the person who gave so much, starting nine months before we came out of her?
How do we say we forever remember that the days she has spent teaching us right from wrong, and cooking for us, and bringing us medicine when we were sick, and feeding us from her own breast at times, and putting our needs in front of hers when it was most difficult for her?
How do we possibly give thanks and insert all of that into the Mother's Day that the greeting cards want us to believe can be summed up on one side of a cardboard panel?
I don't think it can.
But I can do, as a son to my mother, what I can and what I believe more than summarizes what it is that I feel and think of my mother when I know she is still with me on Mother's Day. And, also gives recognition to the simple fact that I am here because she is.
I can say four words. Twice.
"Happy Mother's Day Ma."
"I love you dearly."
Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'
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Posted by Andre Best at 7:37 PM | Comments (0)