« January 2010 | Main | March 2010 »
February 28, 2010
Tell Me, How Do I Look Today?
Have you ever taken a good look at yourself? I mean really, a really, really, good look at you - the person. The human being. The physical manifestation of life that you call, well, you. Have you ever taken the time to really look at your physical self and try to determine exactly who or what you are portraying via that self?
I know, I know, this sounds like a rather simplistic and somewhat rhetorical question to be asking of each of us who already know the answer to this seemingly vague and obtuse question being posed.
But, what I purport is taking a really good look at yourself to see if you can, well, see yourself. You could say that you do this all this time.
After all, we're all such vain creatures that we can't allow ourselves to walk by a properly positioned mirror or glass storefront window or shining metallic wall and not go forward without taking a sideways glance at ourselves. Oh, I know, you ladies just do it to ensure that the makeup is in check on the face. And we guys do it to see how much of our overextended middle-aged belly we now have to suck in, as it just isn't as easy to do that as it was before.
But, seriously, have you ever thought about what people do each day when they are getting ready to leave their abode and face the day with others, if that is what they are called to do? Do you think that anyone, and I mean anyone actually gets dressed in the morning and puts on their clothes, makeup, face, hair, and purchased smell and then takes a really good look at themselves in the mirror and exclaims "Wow, do I look like crap!"?
Seriously, do you think that anyone actually thinks that they don't look good after priming and coiffing and propping themselves up as needed before heading out the door? It's the nature of the beast to think inside that we all think that we look good outside. We really do. We don't dress to not impress. We dress with the intent to actually look good in our minds and in the visual receptors of others who happen upon us.
Last year I saw this working women in this office building I was visiting. She was older, and dressed for work with a professional looking work outfit on, but she actually had bright blue hair. Now, I'm not talking some get rid of your grey hair dye for older women that went awry upon application and she had the old lady blue hair tint in her hair. No.
Her hair was a decidedly bright blue color. Her hair was almost brighter than the sky color I saw through the office windows in the room behind her.
I don't think she was color blind. I don't think she was senile, as she was gainfully employed, and was speaking lucidly, and people in the office related to her well, or so it seemed at least. But, I couldn't help but think to myself "What the heck is she thinking? Her hair is BLUE!"
But, you know what? I would bet that she left her home that day probably revelling in glee that she was a stand-out type of woman and that she was at least attractive and well put together. Why? Because in her mind she was.
Her particular hair color and choice therein did not fit within the normally accepted standard of the place where she worked. But, obviously, that didn't bother her in any manner. She thought she looked good enough to be seen with this bright designer hair color.
I found myself thinking this train of thoughts and subsequently I noticed that inside of me I have the same types of thoughts about my appearance.
I never, well, almost never, leave my abode thinking that I look like 'crap' on the outside. I work at dressing in clothes that give a certain appearance and reflection of my particular personality and style. But, this may not be to the liking and taste of all others I come across. After all, not every one likes everything in every way and at every time, right?
So, here I am, a middle-aged mixed ethnicity man/father, and I have a head full of long hair down to my butt which I keep braided during my workweek. Some people simply don't know what to do about that. Some people think that I'm different because of my hair style. Some people cannot tell that I am from a culture on my mother's side where the men traditionally had natural, long hair.
Other people just see a man with long hair. A man who looks different. And, yes, weird, depending upon the one looking and interpreting my look.
I remember this event that occurred several years ago when my parents and I were sitting at a coffee shop inside the local airport terminal, as they were waiting to board their plane to go back home to Canada. We were sitting around a small table in the coffee shop and unexpectedly this quite older, taller gentleman came up to the table and stood facing me and stated very loudly to me "I used to be a principal of a school and if any of the young kids at school came to school with long hair like you I was allowed to beat them with a cane!"
I think the three of us were all kind of surprised at this event, but the person who was really taken aback and embarrassed by it all, was the older man's adult daughter. She came up and profusely apologized to me and my parents and quickly explained that her dad was 'not all there', before she hurriedly escorted him away from our table.
I've always thought about that event and how it was interesting that, strong vocalized freedom of expression and possible dementia aside, this older man was simply stating what he was thinking inside when it came to his view of my appearance which, obviously, he thought of as being unacceptable.
I could just as easily walked up to the blue-hair-lady in the office and verbally, loudly expressed to her "Do you know how unprofessional you are being in this group of well-coiffed people by you thinking that your blue hair is acceptable and well-groomed? Why, I should report you to the president of your company and tell her that I'm incensed at your appearance!"
That's no different is it?
But, would that make it right?
Would it make her wrong?
Did my personal experience make my appearance wrong in the eyes of the older, taller gentleman?
To him it did. To me, I'm just being me - and seeing the middle-aged man in the mirror each day that I comb and usually braid this long hair of mine.
I don't think my hair is weird, or different, or strange, or too long, or feminine, or any other such thing. But, sometimes it is a hassle to take care of sometimes. You should see me when I'm having a 'bad hair day'.
But, it is my particular choice of hair style right now and it is subject to change if I ever decide that this look is no longer fitting for my definition of appropriateness or style in my life.
It doesn't make me weird, it doesn't right now make me think that I'm not looking my best when I walk out the door of my home. But, it does make me think about what it means to be viewing myself only through my eyes and how limiting this type of vantage point is.
I think that my appearance is acceptable. After all, it is to me. But, it's not to probably almost 100 percent of the population.
We have all thought that what we do to present ourselves to the world is acceptable to others, yet when they don't accept what we have worked so hard to present, well, they're just wrong.
We have all done at some time all that we could muster to give off this appearance of propriety and yet that appearance is not accepted by most others. We didn't go out in to the world with the intent to have shock value with how we look and come across with those who happen upon us with their eyes.
But, there it is nonetheless.
Perhaps if we all understand that our acceptance of ourselves should be and is just that. It's ours.
It's not theirs. It's not mine. It's not hers or his. It's ours, individually.
Imagine doing what you can to present yourself to the world, physical appearance and otherwise in all other ways, without having an expectation that the world outside of you would accept you.
Imagine that you were fully, incontrovertibly, unadulteratedly, unmitigatedly fine with the world not accepting you for you. The only thing that mattered was that YOU truly KNEW that you were attractive, irregardless and irrespective of what happened once you closed that abode door behind you at the start of your day.
Imagine being in the world unequivocally, and unshakably knowing that you were attractive and accepted just the way you are, right now.
Imagine how attractive you would be, no matter how unattractive you truly might be. But....
Would you care?
Would it matter to you?
Would it change what you did?
Would it change the you inside of you?
No. It wouldn't. Why not?
Because you knew the truth of you. You didn't need anyone outside of you to tell/show/give you that truth of you.
You are true.
You are true to yourself.
And, guess what? You are true to yourself. You truly, lovingly are. Right now. You always have been.
And if you're resisting these words, you just don't know it.
But, you know what else?
I've just told you this. So, for those of you who have been hanging on to the excuse and belief that you didn't know this - well, now you no longer can do that.
Be true to you. Even if your male hair is long.
Even if your female hair is blue.
The attractiveness of you will shine through.
All ways.
Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'
(Author's permission is granted to share this full article with others. Just leave the signature line intact, please.)
Posted by Andre Best at 7:45 AM | Comments (0)