Basically, I think that it all boils down to this…

Life as we live it is pointless.

Not hopeless.

Pointless.

There IS a difference and hopefully before I am done with this short dissertation I will have effectively relayed my explanation of this rather esoteric realization.

You see, as a man of my age I've come to this realization through a rather atypical fashion. With reference to the history of mankind I am not so arrogant to assume that I am the only human who reached this assumption. That would be ludicrous.

I'm just stating that this realization is not one that most folks care to ponder over until perhaps it's too late and most of their life is spent and unrecoverable.

But, regardless of how I've gotten here I do know that many have come before me and many are still to reach these waters in their due course of life events.

What really matters, to me, is not how I got here but rather how I came to this realization in the first place.

And that is worth discussing.

You see, I'm the typical middle-aged male in Western society.

Wife.

Kids.

Cars.

House.

Career.

All the usual stuff that we are driven to follow and ruled by within this society.

And most, if not all of this activity related to producing these results goes unquestioned by most, if not all, folks in the same rut that I find myself in.

But I'm questioning it all here. Now.

I see things in life that can't be disputed and are not worthy of argument because they are, after all, my perceptions and opinions and just like anyone else are not worthy of placing under a public microscope for examination because what is it to society what I think anyway.

Most humans in society have a full time job relaying and trying to figure out what is happening within their heads, never mind what of consequence is occurring in someone else's, in this case, mine.

So, I've come to realizations that have lead to certain opinions about life events that are compelling me to write out my thoughts on these matters. And it's all about the pointlessness of life and how what anyone thinks about all of this is of really no consequence to others since that is part of the pointlessness of it all.

I know, it's all getting rather confusing, perhaps, so maybe I'll try to rephrase my thoughts in a more pleasing manner.

There's no purposes to life, as it stands, for most of us beings on this planet. Most of us sentient beings on this planet, anyways.

Oh sure, we all think that we have a purpose for being here. But so many people can't seem to figure out, and do go to their graves without ever figuring out, what their purpose is/was. They just exist through life wandering around this mortal plane until the great darkness takes them again into its fold.

And what did they accomplish in the meantime while growing from point A - birth to point B - death? For the most part, little, if anything of consequence.

Oh sure, a person does the usual...

School.

More school.

Marriage.

Kids.

Career.

House.

Retirement.

Vacations.

Travel.

And then Death.

Now, someone might be tempted to ask 'what's wrong with all that?'' And I would be tempted to answer.

'Absolutely nothing.'

If it pleases you, keep doing it. But you don't need me to tell you that. You're doing it and going to continue to do it no matter what my opinion of it is. Remember what I discussed earlier? About other's opinions really being of no consequence to us as humans?

Well, this is a prime example of that.

You see, my words here are not a diatribe about life and slamming how most every person on this planet chooses to live their life. Especially us Westerners.

And I know that everyone thinks that they're the exception to all of this 'wrong' thinking. That they're different. They're special. They've accomplished things with their lives and done lots of advantageous stuff that has benefited society, overall.

Heck, I've done it too. I have three boys and who knows where that genetic chain will end up in several hundred years. Perhaps nowhere. Perhaps in thousands. Who Knows?

But does that mean that that, for example, is what my purpose here on this sphere is all about and was all for?

Is that why I was placed here?

Is that what my purpose to my existence is? OR was?

Is that what makes it all worth it?

To me?… No.

Is it all meaningless? A waste of time? No.

Is it what life is all about? For some, yes.

But for me, there is a voice inside that says more. This voice asks for more from my life than what I currently have in my possession.

It gnaws at me. It tugs at me. It bores into my soul at times and says I'm not going to let you forget me.

You see, I just know that within my life there is more to existence than what is surrounding me. The voice inside won't let me forget that what's inside is what needs to be worked on and spoken to.

~~~~~~~~
Don't worry. I'll explain all this in a bit. And don't jump ahead of me. I'm not going to get all religious and say that I've found the answer. I haven't.

If I knew the answer I'd be living it now. I'm not, so I don't know it.
~~~~~~~~

Okay, back on track.

You see, for too long I lived my life in a dark cloud without even knowing it. It was called depression. Chronic depression.

Maybe not clinical. But chronic.

I lived it.

I hated it.

I detested it.

And yet…

I loved it and as I now know I gained a lot from it. Since I did have it within me.

This dark cloud was my identity, my existence; it was who I knew myself as. It was my identity. My lover.

Because I did love it. Why else would I have kept it around for so many years of my existence?

But in behind all of that darkness there was something. Something that didn't want me to forget some of the reason behind my pain being a physical being on this planet.

Pain that I wouldn't until very recently truly have a good grasp on what was its original cause and possible solution.

And what was that pain?

It was my desire for peace.

Peace inside.

Peace in my life.

Peace in my mind.

Peace with my thoughts that never stopped.

Peace in my heart.

Peace knowing that I wasn't genuinely alone in this existence.

And have I found this peace?

No.

But I now know that that was what was driving me.

Driving me through my career.

Driving me through many relationships that failed.

Driving me through experiences and events that eventually proved meaningless and sometimes destructive.

Driving me to business ventures that were more bad than good. All in an effort to find the magic bullet that would end this pain and allow me to find that peace.

Even all the therapy and other addictions to behaviors. Behaviors based on maintaining and sustaining a sense of self that was grounded in the acceptance that these behaviors and states were real and were meant to be overcome and conquered. Not true.

However, I will state that they were virtually eliminated from my existence through certain omnibus realizations that drove them out of my thinking and beliefs. And that all took time. But it did happen successfully.

Okay, this peace. What is it all about? Why was it there? Did it have meaning unto itself? Or was it there as a dream, a hope, a future in existence to torment me with the fact that I didn't currently have it?

At times this seemed so. But now I know that the peace was always there. I just had too much of 'me' in the way to see it.

You see, I just see people in my daily living events and I wonder about all of this because so much of it just doesn't make sense.

Yet we all live our lives with the blind acceptance that it is, therefore it's right and it should be.

Well, to me that is not right. I like to question stuff and my not being able to come up with answers for so long tormented me and bothered me and perhaps sustained my depression for so long.

You see, some day I thought that I would find a way out of my depression. An attitude that I find many other people hope for. I was willing to find whatever it was that would take me out of the darkness and into the light. But what was happening is that I was looking for this light in the wrong sources. I was trusting the wrong people. The wrong events. The wrong things and assumptions. How did I know they were wrong? Because I lived for over a dozen years thinking, hoping, wishing, believing that someday they'll work.

That day may have come closer. But it never truly arrived.

So, I gave up on that route that so many others continue to keep themselves in, as I did, like a hamster running on the wheel to nowhere but thinking it's going somewhere.

But in back of all this was that nagging. That voice. That persistent, 'there's got to be more than this'.

Perhaps it's a matter of maturity. Not just physical, but emotional and mental.

Let's face it. When one is in their twenties and thirties the world is still theirs to conquer. Everything's looking up and growing and it's all rosy. But hit the later years in life and things change. Not necessarily worse, but like any climb a person has a different view from higher up the path.

So, I see all these people all doing the same things with their lives. All seeking, searching, hoping, depressing, wanting, yearning, lusting, thinking. ON and ON and ON and ON.

It's all so endless. Generation after generation after generation.

And yet one would seem to think that sometime during a person's life one would come to the realization that 'hey, wait a minute' we've all been doing this for now millennium after millennium and yet we're still all seeking. Something isn't right here.

But how many people come to this realization? This questioning?

Few. Very few.

Why? Because people like the way their life is structured. The spouse. The kids, the job and all that. It's all so comfortable. It's established and set. Why disturb it by waking up to what is really happening. Or not happening?

That wouldn't feel good to do that. Things might get upturned and in turmoil.

'I might have to change. And I'm afraid to change'.

So, everyone keeps doing the same stuff and yet everything stays the same and still yet everyone wants things in their life to be different. And yet no one dares to question the absurdity of all this.

Well, very few do.

It just doesn't make sense. How we live our lives going through this existence getting a sense of our self from each experience we participate in. And allthewhile not realizing that we are only going to go through experiences that won't potentially upset the state of our existence so we make sure that we only participate in events that we are certain will turn out the way that we expect that type of event to turn out.

You see, basically, humans just want to tiptoe through life until they die.

They want it all safe.

NO disturbances.

NO problems.

Just everything happy and safe and sound and expected.

But do people live like this? Do they live in nirvana? Is their existence here on earth problem-free and delightful?

No.

No.

And NO.

But yet everyone thinks that their life is the best it can be. The only way it should be.

But what I realized about all this when I heard a seed of truth once was that life doesn't have to be this way.

Essentially, there is another way out.

And this all intrigued me enough that I pursued the esoteric teachings that are part of this thinking and to this day they are helping me figure out why life is as mixed up for us beings as it is and what one can truthfully do about this.

Again, life truly is just so pointless. But most people think and live every day as if what they are doing at that moment, and during every moment is the most important thing for them to be doing at that time. That's just the way we humans are.

We get a sense of who we are by what we do. And this is how we live our lives. Until we die.

It truly is insane. All of it.

I go to work and see people at work who do nothing but detest the fact that they have to go someplace in reality they'd rather not be at and be with people that they don't even care for as friends and do things that if they had the ability they wouldn't give another thought to doing.

And yet these people don't even question this and instead blindly continue to go to work like a drone in some factory thinking that this is their life. And yet while they're doing this they truly believe that getting out that memo is absolutely crucial to the betterment of the company cause.

They live lives of quiet frustration and don't even know that they're dying with every event they're in that takes a little bit of the life out of them.

See, I know I've gone way out in left field here so I'll try to take this back home.

There's more to life than what we do in it. And there's more to us than what we do with our lives.

But most people, if not all of them, think that the gaining of possessions and the accumulating or the chasing of wealth and power is what is important in life.

Get yours.

Get your fair share.

Own what you can get.

What you have in life is who you are.

We're all brainwashed by society, whatever that is, into believing that this is the point of our existence as a creature on this planet.

Go to school so you can get a job to earn money so you can live and get things and be happy until you die. Take vacations. Drive a nice car. Own a fine home. Pop out the kids and save for retirement.

It's all so accepted. And yet people don't even know that it's all so empty.

It's all just a way to make our time here on this physical plane more bearable as we go though what we must go through in an effort to obtain this supposed happiness everyone is told exists.

And as I stated earlier it's like the hamster in the wheel going around and around and not knowing that it's going nowhere. But we somehow think that all the iterations of what we go though are getting us somewhere. And does one need to go through the proof that this ISN'T happening?

We can see it in people's faces. We can see it in the high crime and divorce rates. The endemic problems with addictions to food, and everything bad.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why people don't see what's being done to them all under the guise to make society another dollar.

It's staggering to see at times.

And at the same time it's totally understandable. As long as a person is going to let the environment outside of them dictate and define who they are inside in relation to that environment then the results of that are going to be fairly predictable.

For example, as long as I allow myself to identify with my career as who I am in life, i.e. a successful business person, then when that part of my life 'dies', i.e. I retire, then I am going to be in a serious identity crisis at that time. Why? Because I used what was happening outside of me tell me who I was in relation to it.

But, people do this throughout their existence. They allow outside factors to them to tell them who they are.

I did...

A student.

A career professional.

A husband.

A father.

A man.

All of this worked but it didn't answer what was really at the heart of the matter.

Why do I need to identify with anything in order to know who I am on this planet? And if I'm so identified with all these aspects of myself in relation to the world why do I still feel so lost in all this worldly stuff with other people and events?

Again, that was an issue that I didn't have an answer for so I went seeking for the solution to the issue.

And what did I find out? It all boils down to obtaining non-identification with what happens around me. With what happens in my life.

I don't become a drone.

I become alive to who I am not as I am in relation to what is around me.

But just me.

Relating to myself. Whatever that may be.

Esoteric, yes. But to-date has proven very effective at calming the inner-storm

Okay, so getting back to what I've figured out about there being more to life than what we do in it.

I simply got tired of doing things that were supposed to make me happy but ended up, eventually, leaving me feel empty inside.

And what did I finally do with this emptiness that I was trying to fill? I stopped trying to fill it with pointless activities and business.

Television.

Newspaper.

Radio.

Noise.

Music.

Distractions.

Buying.

Achieving.

Thinking.

Crying.

Complaining.

All that stuff.

You see, that's what we humans do. We live our lives not wanting to avoid the inevitable. We all came here alone and we're all going to die alone.

And throughout our entire existence here we do everything that's within our human ability to do, all in an effort to NOT be alone.

We don't want to be alone. We don't want to be alone with ourselves. We don't want to be alone inside because then we feel lonely and that's not a nice feeling to have.

Let's face it. It's not nice to feel lonely. When one feels lonely and alone it's as if the world is against us and no one cares about us.

So, we do all that we can to fill this void. This hole. This emptiness.

Well, when I realized that that was what I was doing. And I became conscious of that effort: I stopped doing that.

And when I found myself still sleeping in life and going back to old behaviors that maintained this filling the inner-hole stuff, I stopped them too.

And what has all of this gotten me?

A sense of peace.

An inner quiet that can only be experienced to be known.

Yet, it does make one seek out times to be alone. But it's at times like this that I am finding that I feel most in touch with life. I find that I'm more aware of this inner pain when I am trying to relay to someone else what is happening in the moment versus just being in the moment.

It's subtle. But it's something that I've become aware of. And I do what I can to have in each day of my existence this empty time. If even for only a few moments

You see, what else is there? Really, what else is there in life?

We truly can't do anything in our lives that will give the time a sense of lasting meaning. Even having kids is temporal. Because your meaning to those kids will eventually disappear in time and through the generations. It's not sustainable.

So, sure there's the immediate pleasure of knowing that one was responsible for creating life forms. At least being somewhat involved in the creation through our physical actions.

But that aspect in itself is fleeting as well. It doesn't last. Sure the parent-child bond of love matures and develops and never goes away even through death. But for me, I found that this wasn't enough to quell the voices inside that haunted my existence every day.

Having the kids was not the means, for me at least, to quell the inner war. The war for peace.

And so where does this leave one?...

(to be continued as life continues to unfold…)

Thank you kindly.

Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com - Learn About Life From Another Perspective

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