I recall being alone in my parents house way back when I was just five years old. I was sitting on the couch and looking out the front screen door I watched the trees sway in the country winds outside. I was waiting for my two older brothers and my older sister to come home from school. And I was gently rocking back and forth allthewhile banging the back of my head against the couch.

Up until then I had never had the opportunity to be alone. My older siblings were always around and we all played, and fought, together. They were my world up until that time. My world was always filled with 'others' and so I never had to consider being alone, it wasn't even a consideration in my small immature mind.

But everything changed when my older brother was now old enough to go into grade one. He was six and I was five and for the first time in my short life I had no one to be with during my days. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to entertain myself. I didn't know how to 'live' by myself.

Being alone, existing alone, was all a concept that my young mind never had to entertain.

So I coped with the feelings I had occurring inside my little body by rocking myself on the couch, waiting for my siblings to come home to play with me.

That was a watershed time for me that I'm realizing dictates now how I, as an adult, handle the times that I find myself 'alone' and feeling the pangs of loneliness.

I've had conversations with others about the subject of loneliness and some of the information I've gleaned during these discussions is enlightening, to say the least.

To reinforce my earlier comment about situations that we find ourselves sometimes driven in to because of feelings of loneliness, I remember being told that the reason a man I know got re-married was because he 'didn't like being alone'.

And a life-long friend of mine who's been married for almost a quarter century agrees that the concept of being alone is hard to grasp as long as he has such a long-term relationship always there in his life, and in his thoughts. That is, to him the concept of being alone and experiencing loneliness is short-lived and restricted to the times when his spouse and children are away on a separate vacation or he's on a business trip away from them.

But even this type of loneliness is not the same as actually no longer having someone to share life with, such as someone who is recently divorced or widowed. Up until that time a person now in this situation was never really without 'thoughts' about the other person because the other person was always, at the very least, in their thoughts because they were still an active part of their daily life and life activities.

I surmise that people in these life situations (like my friend with the long marriage) are never, yes - never, really experiencing aloneness and loneliness as long as they have someone else to 'think about'. I espouse that it's only when the mind is subjected to thoughts about existing alone and being alone in the world (through divorce or death of the other) that that person truly experiences the pain of loneliness and being alone in existence.

Lastly, to add to the part of my original state about people who actually embrace loneliness, I recently had a discussion with a good friend about this subject and she told me that she actually prefers being alone when given the choice to be alone or be in the company of someone she's not particularly keen on. I'm sure we would all agree that this is a decision that we would all make, but that's not the interesting point being made here.

You see, this friend basically lived for the first decade of her life as an 'only child', until younger siblings came into her world when she was ten years old. Until then she pretty much had the world to herself and I surmise that that is how her mind was programmed early on, and why she now is the way she is with respect to fervently liking being physically alone when given the opportunity.

That is, as a child she learned to live with herself because she didn't know of another world containing siblings and daily interaction with others her own age. And just for the record, this isn't a criticism of that kind of existence. Of course not.

Rather, it's interesting to me that to someone like her the option of being with someone wasn't, for the most part, even an available option to her.

Her world consisted of her, and for the most part no one else. And now that she's an adult she's perfectly fine when that is what life brings her. She told me that when she finds herself alone in life that she is okay with it. She doesn't feel lonely because that is what she is used to, that is, being alone. No loneliness is necessary.

It's interesting to me how our individual lives shape us in such subtle ways. I had a crowded world as a child, and this friend of mine didn't. Now when my world isn't crowded with others I feel pangs of loneliness, and this friend of mine basks in it and would rather seek out situations where she's alone to her-self.

Perhaps you might want to take time to consider how you handle your bouts of loneliness and how this handling was derived in your life and from your early life experiences. Why? Because understanding one's loneliness can be an extremely powerful and fulfilling experience. Again, why?

Because a dark emotion such as this cannot prosper and thrive in the light of awareness. So the more light you bring on the cause and the manifestation of loneliness in your life the more you are strengthening your ability to someday being able to live without it...just like my female friend.

...Of course, if that is what you so choose.

Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'

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