Now, none of us are able to experience the wonderful trance that Hal lived with. We only see the physical outside if we don't get to know the person better or see him/her in action. But it's this unfortunate limited waking vision of people that usually gets one in trouble.

Have you ever found yourself in relationship with another person or people, whether that be intimate relating or just Platonic and friendly-like relating and before you knew it, you were in deep in that relationship...and it was only then that you began to see the real interior of that person...and then you found yourself wondering just how it is that you got yourself into this type of mess? Again.

What kind of mess? Easy...

"That person I met, and or had sex with, is no longer that nice of a person in my eyes."

"That person, that friend of mine, just hurt me with that action."

"That spouse of mine just betrayed me. And the trust I had in him/her."

How could this happen?

Easy I say.

We're not allowing ourselves to see that everyone does a magnificent job of keeping the real person inside of us at bay for the longest time that we are able to muster.

Call it what you want...

Pretense.

Manipulation.

Diversion.

Programming.

The actions and reasons all end up with the same end relationship result. That is, we don't get to see - at least initially - who the person really is. We only see, for the most part, what our eyes and limited mental and emotional perceptions allowed us to individually see.

"What can she see in him?"

"She's not my type, that's for sure."

"Can you believe they're together?"

"They seem so different..."

The list of actual observations by those not caught up in the limited view of the people inside the relationship goes on and on.

But for those IN the relationship they're, for all intents and purposes, blind to reality. At least everything below skin-deep.

People, you and I, can be very tricky when it comes to hiding who we really are. We're so adept at hiding behind that extremely thick veil we've built up over the decades we've existed.

Why? Well, the reasons for doing this are numerous. But I believe the main one is so that we get our own narcissistic needs met, at almost whatever cost outside of us.

We want what we want and nothing is going to get in our way. So we begin relationships that will help us get what we want.

And any relationship that gets in the way of satisfying this desire, be it sexual, romantic, physical, emotional, or otherwise -- watch out!

So, the shoulder of burden is on each of us when things don't turn out the way we originally expected. Even if that original expectation was decades ago.

The failure of marriages comes to mind. With my own notch on my Life belt when it comes to this I have my own biased understanding as to why things fail in this regard.

Most of it is in keeping with what I'm writing about here.

That is, two people meet and enter into a relationship with differing and narcissistic expectations of the other. And over time, when these expectations are not met because the other person was truly not able to meet those original needs, once the pretense was removed, the relationship is sent asunder with this realization.

I think that when two people end up in a supposed lifelong commit via a relationship or marriage that over time both people either 'grow' together, or they grow apart.

It's an inevitable fact of nature. One person, for example, finds out over time and aging that their spirit needs nurturing and healing. And the other person is only concerned about their aging and what's happening to their body and meeting the body's physical needs, and this person goes on aging with absolutely no concern to growing the spirit and nourishing it so that Life can become bigger for both.

Will two people in a type of relationship described above be able to flourish together? No.

Will two people who at one time saw so much potential together continue to share that common vision as Life progresses them both to their ends? No, of course not.

In relationships, one can address what is underneath the pretense, or one can choose not to. Simple.

But regardless of how one chooses to deal with these types of instances with others in their lives is how one is defining what is important to them. It is also a reflection of how 'deep' that person is inside.

I'll explain, hopefully more succinctly.

When a person is in relation with another person and that person mostly or solely focuses on simple outer attributes of the other person, they are setting themselves up for failure in that relationship without even knowing it.

Those of us old enough to know better have most likely gotten into intimate relationship with someone else we were initially very visually attracted to. For our own reasons, we found that other person attractive, usually only physically at first. And for many that is where the attraction is focussed and usually stays at the beginning of a relationship.

But we have all most likely experienced that this type of relationship is doomed from this unfortunate start, because of the way in which it was started.

That is, the exterior qualities of the other person mostly were all that was focussed on, and once that 'glue' was no longer able to sustain the relationship, it was most likely found that there was not much beneath that quality exterior of the other that was sustainably attractive.

And so the relationship broke up. You both went your separate ways.

I agree, physical attractiveness is important. It's important to me still. But I'm realizing that there is so much more that really makes a relationship quality and able to withstand the trials of Life over time.

And all that is what is beneath the surface of the people in that relationship.

A relationship is only as solid as when it is able to traverse into and through the troublesome times of life for those two people together.

And good looks alone aren't going to be able to allow that to happen.

A relationship needs so much more to make it work and last. And I've realized that when one focuses on the exterior only they are setting themselves up for failure. Yet, focussing primarily on the interior from the start allows one a good chance of having in that relationship the common and shared qualities that will allow that relationship to flourish in the 'good' times and weather the 'bad' times, assuming that both people shared common inner qualities to start with.

There is so much more to write about on this subject, so do look for more from me.

Relationships. Who really has them figured out? I don't. But I know more so every day what doesn't work.

And doesn't that bring one closer to knowing what does?

I like to think so.

Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'

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