I recently went to the postal store where I receive my mail and there were a couple of young people at the counter getting their mail needs met. There was also this woman, a middle-aged mother in front of me who had a young son with her. He was about five-years old and when I entered the store I came upon an interaction between the two of them that was in midstream.

The boy wanted a candy sucker from the candy dish on the countertop, and the mother wanted to do her mailing task at the counter. The boy wasn't agreeing with this and simply wanted to be given a sucker and so he was doing everything he could to get her attention to let her know just how badly he wanted the sucker. This was about the extent of what was clear to me.

What happened next was what made me think about my role in life with my younger sons and also filled me with feelings related to them as young souls and my relationship with them as an older soul who supposedly 'knows better'.

Again...

You see, the mother just wanted to do her mailing task and then get out of the store. But, the boy was being a boy. He was being a child and rightfully so. He wanted that brightly colored, plastic-wrapped sucker on the countertop to put in his mouth and, like the proverbial dog with a bone, he wasn't going to let go of that goal that he had in his mind. I could tell by the way he was acting that for him, the obtainment of the sucker was just about his only reason for existence at that moment. That's how determined he was.

But, he wouldn't quit nagging his mother by crying, repeatedly asking for the candy sucker, and periodically wailing from his sitting position on the carpet floor, so what his mother eventually did was she told him to get up off the carpet and stand up, and then go stand against the wall of the store and be quiet over there.

The boy did this but he was still loudly crying and asking for the sucker, and now, for her attention. This wasn't good for the mother, and I could tell that the young couple at the counter being served by the mail store staff were also not too impressed with what was transpiring nearby.

I, for one, didn't care. I'm still in those days at times where my own sons have the tendency to behave like that boy, and I have to deal with the situation like that mother did.

Anyway, after about a minute of listening to the boy continuing to cry and maintain his position of emotional upset from the corner of the store he was now standing in, the boy's mother left the line we were in and walked over to him. I was sure more severe discipline was to follow at this point, as is usual for most parents, and so I found myself closely listening not only to what the mother was saying to the boy, but more importantly, how she was saying it.

But she showed herself to be a model of parenthood that I resonated with. She didn't hit the boy, she didn't yell at the boy, she didn't lose her temper with the boy, and she didn't shame the child. She didn't have an undercurrent of anger in her words as she was talking with the boy and doing her best to discipline him via the timeout he was now in.

She handled the situation very well and because the boy still didn't quiet down, she had to grab him by the hand and lead him out of the store. Overall, I thought she handled herself very appropriately, considering the circumstances, and did a wonderful effort of doing what she could to take control of the situation.

The only thing that I did find myself questioning as I was watching this event is that I thought she was too concerned about what all of us in line were thinking, due to the fact that she wanted him to be quiet, I'm assuming so that the rest of us could go about conducting our business with our mail. Personally, I wouldn't have been so concerned now, after all these years of parenting, of what others think during a time like that. My focus would've been the child's needs and how to best handle that.

I would've simply and immediately taken the boy out of the situation, and not try to get him to be quiet. That is, I'd have taken him outside much sooner than she had, so as to let him have his little screaming fit outside in the wide open space of the parking lot. Forget the mail, it can wait!

Anyway, I digressed so I'll step down off the soapbox I was preaching from.

Continuing...

The insight behind this experience which I was brought into was the insight of experiencing regret. That is, I felt that the strings inside of me were being pulled into a position of regret.

You see, that boy only wanted what he wanted. Yet, the mother also had her own agenda which she needed to take care of, on a practical sense.

Yet, the boy was denied what he wanted, which simply was a candy sucker.

How many times have we been denied in our lives what we want? How many times have we thrown a temper tantrum this past week - at least inside, so that others don't notice and we still are viewed as mature and capable adults?

I ask you, when was the last time you threw a tantrum when you didn't get what you wanted?

And when was the first time you threw one that you remember?

Were you hit to get you to shut up?

Were you criticized and blasted emotionally for having a normal human desire squelched out of existence?

Were you ignored until you knew that you were absolutely not going to get what it was that you wanted?

Or were you threatened, perhaps within an inch of your life to shut up and never behave like that again in public with all those other 'nice people' watching you be what - a child - for heaven's sake.

How many times have you wanted something as a fully-grown human, and now that the toys can't be thrown, and the feet can't be stomped and the pants can't be wetted, or the breath held till the face turns blue, how many times have you just wanted to do that so as to get what it was that you wanted?

And yet, even today, how many times has it happened that nobody really cared about what it was that you wanted, or were even aware that you were screaming inside for that sweetness Life was desiring to deliver to you?

You see, where I felt regret over this experience, was not so much just for the young boy, it was also for myself and for ALL of us, as children, who didn't get what we wanted those so, so, so many times we simply wanted to taste the sweetness of Life.

It really isn't fair that Life doesn't give us what we want when we want it and in the way we want it. Is it?

But, again, how many of us were wronged and made to believe that we were wrong for wanting what we justifiably wanted and simply needed as a child?

How many of us were hit into submission?

Or shamed? Or belittled? Or criticized? Or ignored? It's not pretty how the stopping asking for things covertly and overtly happens, is it? But, again, it's no surprise.

I regretted that I couldn't always get what I wanted, the many simple things that I wanted when I was a young boy. I can't even remember almost all of them, yet they're still there inside. Some in memories now that I don't want to relive again in some instances. That's just part of the human experience.

We have all had to live through not getting the special Life sucker that we wanted. Even if it only cost a penny to purchase, and now is so cheap to make that it's given away for free in stores.

It doesn't really matter what that was all about, yet, it was all about the need, the wanting, the fulfilling of our hearts desire which at that age does take the shape of a candy sucker.

At that age that sucker is the world to us because we're all present every moment. Our world is right now and the sucker is right now so what's wrong with wanting it right now?

To us, and our young minds, nothing was wrong with wanting what we wanted. Yet, Life had a different agenda for us. It wanted us to know that there are others in our existence to consider. Be they family or strangers in line in the store.

It wanted us to know that we are not the sole focus of our caregivers at times like that. It wanted us to learn the lesson that Life doesn't always give us what we think we want, when we want it.

It wanted us to know that there are some things in life that are unreachable and perhaps always may be. But that doesn't have any permanent impact on us, intrinsically.

Life wants us to know that our worth, who we are, who we are being in the present is not predicated upon that candy sucker.

But, when we were five-years old we didn't know about that stuff. And we didn't care about that stuff.

But now that we're 45-years ripe, or 62 years of age, we should know better.

Let me finish by asking you: Do you know better now?

And, if so, what are you going to do, even deep inside, the next time Life thwarts what you want and you think you have full right to right now?

Think about it, before you become the next sucker and let what Life throws at you become a sucker punch.

We all know it's just a matter of time till that next experience arrives right in front of our face to learn from. Or not.

Interesting food for thought, eh? Get the sucker and be a sucker, or forget the sucker and BE with Life.

Written by Andre Best
President, Ultimate Results, Inc.
http://www.andrebest.com
'Learn About Life From Another Perspective'